For some reason a part of me is not very happy with the label of “geriatric mother”, but ever since I heard it the first time in a Bridget Jones movie, it makes me laugh, because although I am a mature mother, I feel anything but geriatric.
I often hear people my age say that it is better to have children in your 20s. I have to disagree, or, let’s say, that rule does not apply to me at all. I personally have no doubt that the best thing that could ever happen to me was having my daughter while knocking on the door of my 40s.
Here is my list of pros and contras. Anything you relate to?
I am happy I had my daughter at 39, becauseP
- I was emotionally and mentally ready to be responsible for another person. I had always been a “responsible” person, deep down, but the truth is that until recently I wasn’t even taking care of myself properly. How could I have been capable of raising a child?
- I had already experienced life, adventure, the mistakes of youth; I had traveled, met people, fell in love, fell out of love; I had already searched and found my own truth, I guess I kind of found myself. (How cliché does that sound??)
- I had shared more than a decade with my husband, building our family, brick after brick, from the ashes of a past with a tough childhood for the two of us. Is it a coincidence that our parents where in both cases teenagers? (I don’t believe in coincidence, by the way)
- I was closer to being ready to have the patience required with my daughter (are you ever really ready for that??). I now know for sure I would have never survived her when I was younger! I love her to death but she is always so intense, so perceptive, curious … her never ending talking and asking are a blessing but also exhaustive!! No way I could have done this in my 20s!!
- She makes me feel younger, she makes me be younger; I am learning to play, draw, read together, sing together. Through her, I am living the childhood I have missed, the one where your family sits on solid foundations and you have no other worries than grow and be happy.
- She is my motivation to stay fit and keep my body strong, because there are so many adventures we are going to have together. I am planning on celebrating my 100th birthday! You’ll be all invited!
I wish I had become a mother at a younger age, because
- I didn’t have more children. I wasn’t too old to have a second pregnancy (I was 43 when we did another transfer – I still had 10 frozen embryos). I let myself fall in the trap of “age fear” and did the transfer in a moment of sadness (my father had just passed away). I knew I was not in the right place, not emotionally, and it did not work. My husband was worried about his own age (kept telling me he did not want to be a grandpa for his newborn) and I was a little afraid myself, not of age but of starting all over again.
I cannot think of any other contras. Some may say ‘your body is not the same, you get tired easier’ etc. True and untrue: my body is not the same but I feel now much better than 10 years ago. I work out regularly, feed my body with the right foods, avoid toxic people and nourish my spirituality with the things I love.
It is true my skin is not the same as it used to be; gravity is paying its visit no matter what, but in terms of energy and performance, I am satisfied. In fact I am planning on running the Valencia marathon next December, a suicide for the body but a challenge I cannot escape anymore. I owe it to my dad. 😉
So ladies, my conclusions:
- There is no right age for being a mother, for being anything you want to be. You simply need to be ready for it and it will happen.
- If you keep your body healthy and fit age is meaningless. If you treat your body well, nourish it with the right foods and care, anything will be possible. I know it first hand.
- If you are in harmony and were able to rebuild some of your self-esteem (this society likes to kill our self-esteem ever since we are kids), you will be a better guide for your children and avoid transferring to them your insecurities
- If you first let yourself be young and a little careless, you will then know the importance of being wise and careful. Parenting is serious stuff and you realize it only after you have experienced quite a lot of life.
Conclusion of the conclusions, being a geriatric mother can be an amazing experience, it’s up to you to make it happen that way.
I am here if you want to chat.